xXx jokes again!! lol my email full of this kind of stuff

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xXx jokes again!! lol my email full of this kind of stuff

Post by TaukeleX on Tue May 29, 2007 10:46 am

here some more...

* * *

An eighty year old couple decide to try for a child. They visit the doctor who asks the old geezer to produce a sperm sample in a bottle. After two weeks, the couple return and the bottle is empty. "What's the problem?" asks the doctor. "Well," says the old man, "First I tried it with my right hand, then my left. Then my wife tried it with her right hand, then her left. Then she tried it with her teeth in and with her teeth out, and we still can't get the lid off the bloody bottle."


* * *

A girl brings a guy home one night. They get into her apartment and immediately she suggests that they do "69". "What the hell is that?" asks the guy. Realizing he's inexperienced, she tries to explain,"I put my head between your legs and you put your head between mine." Still not knowing what she's talking about, but not wanting to ruin the moment he agrees to try it. The second they get in to the position, she lets go a RIP-ROARING fart. "What was that for?" he asks. "Oooopppps! Sorry, lets try it again" she says. So, they get into position again, and once more she lets one loose. The guy gets up and starts to put his coat on. "Wait, where are you going?" she asks. The guy says, "If you think I'm sticking around for 67 more of those, you're crazy !!!"

* * *

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

* * *

There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her sleeping someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except -- " and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone. After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She sat on the bed and spread open her legs. She got the voodoo dick out and laid it on the bed right in front of her, and said just as her husband has told her: "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" . The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her, and wouldn't stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

* * *

A man walked into an appliance store and asked the price of a 25" remote controlled color television set. "One dollar," the clerk replied. "You've got to be kidding." "Look, Mac," the clerk said, "do you want it or not?" Of course, the customer gave him a dollar. On the way out with his incredible bargain, the customer saw a big frost-free refrigerator with automatic ice maker. "How much for that?" he asked the clerk. "Fifty cents," came the reply. The customer forked over the half dollar, saying, "What the heck is going on here?" "Nothing is going on here," the clerk snapped. "But my boss is at my house with my wife. And what he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business."

* * *

A father, mother, and son were going to Europe and were going to visit the nude beaches while they were there. They didn't want the son to get a distorted view of beauty, so they told him that the men with really big dicks were really really dumb, and that the woman with really big tits were really really dumb. When they got to the beach they split up. Later the mother saw the son and asked where his dad was. The boy said, "Well, the last time I saw him he was talking to this really, really, really dumb blond, and the longer they talked the dumber he got."

to be continue... my email is full of useless stuff

TaukeleX
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Re: xXx jokes again!! lol my email full of this kind of stuff

Post by geoMaX on Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:38 pm

harhar* nice one

geoMaX
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